Countdown to a New Relationship with the One you already have

The Muir Woods are filled with redwood trees that have withstood fires, floods, droughts, earthquakes and environmental changes with their strong rooted foundation and unwavering goal. Although the middle tree is no longer among the tall, its roots remain alive and a family of trees grew around it from its roots. Its sustainability teaches us that torment cannot kill us, we still can create a strong and vibrant family.

Every new year numerous individuals are inspired to make a New Year's resolution. Gym clubs are crowded in January and then emptied by March. Some individuals make a note of their goals for the new year in their journal and at the end of the year look back and evaluate their accomplishments. Which person are you? How can you enrich your relationship with your partner and your family this new year?

Countdown to a rejuvenated year for you and your partner.

10         Set realistic goals

"An aim in life is the only fortune worth finding." ~Robert Louis Stevenson

Set realistic goals that are appropriate for yourself and your family and that will not only benefit you, but others around you as well. It's best to focus on goals that increase your internal growth rather than extrinsic goals. A goal that is harmonious, genuine and realistic will be easy to follow and accomplish throughout the year.

9          De-Stress

Research shows that small stresses are more harmful than single cataclysmic events.

Considering that stress is accumulative, find ways to counterbalance stress and find ways to avoid stressful situations. When small problems arise between you and your partner, address it and talk about it respectively. Other forms of stress can interfere in our interaction with our partner. Practice self-inquiry in order to discover the reasons of your stress. To learn more ways on how to handle stress or conflicts with your partner, attend a marriage education class in your neighborhood, visit http://www.smartmarriages.com/ for nationwide and http://www.camarriage.com/ for California.

8          Focus on the Positive

"Happiness consists more in small conveniences or pleasures that occur every day, than in great places of good fortune that happen but seldom." ~Benjamin Franklin

What is good about smoking? Have you ever stopped to think why a person continues to smoke even thought it's very harmful? Beyond the point that it's addicting, how many times a day do you stop what you are doing and give yourself a small break to revitalize your attention? These are some of the positive aspects of smoking, yet many times we only focus on what is negative. Don't just assume people are wrong, whether they are smoking, upset, nagging, avoiding, and so on, because there is a reason and it's best to find that reason to understand where they are coming from.

7       Nurture your stability

"Yes, know thyself: in great concerns or small, be this thy care, for this, my friend, is all." ~Juvenal

Recognize the things that give you stability and balance in life. When one is off balance by working too much, overly procrastinating, having a lot of conflict with your spouse or other family member are a few signs that one is off balance. Nurture your stability and invest in your foundation, whether it be repairing your relationship with your spouse or spending more time in your spiritual practice. Once you know your foundation, you have a clue of where to start as a first step when you are out of balance.

6      Exercise respectable nonverbal habits

39% of nonverbal communication include tone, inflexion, and other elements of the voice and 55% include body language, eye contact, etc.

Nonverbal communication is the way we use our body language and voice, such as pitch, speed, tone, voice volumes, gestures, facial expressions, proximity, body posture, eye movements, stance, eye contact, glance, and a pause. No matter how many times you say something, if the nonverbal message is disrespectful or does not match the with the your intended message, it can be perceived differently and inflict conflict.

5      Practice Empathy

According to J. Gottman, 69% of our problems are unresolvable.

Putting yourself in the other person's shoes can enrich the intimacy between you and your partner. The best way to take step outside of yourself and into your partner's world is to start by saying their name as yours and begin imagining yourself as them in the situation they have just described.

4      Relax

It is impossible for the nervous system to be tensed and relaxed at the same time.

Knowing this, you know you can't be happy and mad at the same time. When your body is tensing, it's best to relax it by doing breathing exercises and change into a better and healthier state for your body.

3      Create a Conflict-Resolution Plan

"The future depends on what we do in the present." ~Mahatma Gandhi

Doesn't have to be elaborate, it just has to work for you. The general guideline for a plan is to agree on a method of discussion so that both individuals feel understood. Write down the things that each person can do differently in order to prevent or lessen the conflict. A plan should be revised and changed if the steps fail to meet the needs of either individual.

2      Work as a team

"Arguing with a fool proves there are two." ~Doris M. Smith

Avoid seeing your partner as an enemy that is out to get you. Look at them as your team member and set goal together. We have seen numerous marriage education programs that stress the importance of the partner taking input from the other partner. Beyond the grocery list or what extra curriculur activity the children will be enrolled in, taking input from your partner establishes that you are both equal in the relationship and there is mutual respect between the two of you.

1      Happy New Year!