When you shower me with attention
I feel easily respected
Because you do it in such a loving fashion
I feel pleasingly blessed
The focused time you spend with me
Grows us intimately
An affectionate, gracious gift from thee
Cultivating us safely
That attention so fine and complete
Has given me worthy
An abode of love where we retreat
To a home that is healthy
What is Attention?
Derived from the Latin word attendere, which means "to turn one's mind towards" and others would conclude also to turn one's senses.
An attention that is interactive, focused and undistracting is the most beneficial for our emotional survival.
What does it mean to a child?
A place where discipline and love begin. Remember your childhood and when someone special to you was giving you their full attention. An interaction that is focused and not distracted.
Shower me with your love
Guide me with your shove
If you ignore me
You will fill me with insecurity
When I call you nicely
Your response is so kindly
If this time you don't reply
I will misbehave with a cry
If you ignore my whine
I will take it as a sign
That you will pay attention to me
When I behave calmly
What does Attention mean to a Child?
Children's safety comes from discipline and guidance. While parents play with their children they are guiding them. A child feels special with attention and will work harder to obtain more of it. Whether through good or bad behavior. Applied Behavior Analysis is an intervention for children with a diagnosis, however, the intervention would benefit even a typical child. Although it is expensive, finding books on the topic will provide invaluable parenting tools. Their thoery rests on attention and reinforcement. Although reinforcement is attention. A great start to connect with your child and to give them their emotional stability starts with the love you show your child. The Five Love Languages for Children guides you through the steps.
When we, Alfred and Lucinda, give each other attention it is the way we feel loved. Specifically, we each ask for a type of attention that will evoke that love. When attention isn't there then unconsciously resentment begins to arise to the awareness and not the reason of why the resentment is there in the first place. Without attention, there isn't intimacy, because it is not allowed to grow. Like my good friend says, "Love equals Attention." See his theory below.
What is the Point of Giving Attention if my Partner Doesn't Notice?
"I came home one day and the kitchen was clean, the car was washed and detailed, the bathroom had no more toys in the tub, the clothes I left on the floor in the morning were washed and folded. The entire house was spotless and I noticed it all. Since I had a hard day at work I came home wanting to feel loved and welcomed and the clean house did help, I was grateful. However, I wanted to feel loved and romanced," Lucinda shares. "I would feel loved if I walked in and the house was clean. That would brighten up my day," Alfred adds.
Here you read that Alfred and Lucinda feel loved in different ways. So what is the point of giving attention if my partner doesn't notice? Change the way you give attention. Ask your partner how would they feel loved, ask for their guidance and let them know how you would feel loved.
Lucinda says, "I feel loved when you welcome me home with a big hug and a long kiss. I love it when you tell me and let me know that you love me when I get home or when you tell me that you are happy to have me home. I feel important." Alfred empathizes (to learn more on empathy, a key component on communication, read our blog 10 Reasons Why the Art of Empathy is Enriching for Couples). Alfred shares his world, "I love it when I come home and see the living room and toys cleaned up. It confirms that what is important to me is also important to my wife. So our values are the same and I feel intimate and valued." Lucinda shows understanding.
Now Lucinda and Alfred have shared how they feel loved and know more about each other and about themselves. Furthermore, they will need more ideas of more ways to give love. First off, they will apply what they have learned. Their attention can now be interactive, instead of being parallel. After the first week, or even first day, they will run out of ideas.
"How else do you feel loved," Alfred asks Lucinda. "Well, when you give me a neck rub when I've had a long day. I feel very special and I relax. It's very blissful to feel relaxed by my husband."
Discover more with each other, ask each other, and make a list or highlight what you like from the book we suggested below. We, Alfred and Lucinda, have made our own personal lists and we keep it in easy access to read off each other's and update it when needed.
"How else do you feel loved," Alfred asks Lucinda. "Well, when you give me a neck rub when I've had a long day. I feel very special and I relax. It's very blissful to feel relaxed by my husband."
Discover more with each other, ask each other, and make a list or highlight what you like from the book we suggested below. We, Alfred and Lucinda, have made our own personal lists and we keep it in easy access to read off each other's and update it when needed.
Why do We Like Attention?
Although everyone has a different background and likes and dislikes, the one thing we all have in common as human beings is our need for attention. Gary Chapman describes it well in his book, The 5 Love Languages
, when explaining our Love Tank. Compared to the gas tank in our car, which can be easily refilled, we can't walk around with an empty Love Tank. Since the Love Tank can't be easily refilled and if we were to walk around with empty Love Tank it would be more damaging to us than if our car ran out of gas. Our car can be serviced if it stops running, but if our relationship or marriage stops running and is in a state of emergency we can't simply call for someone to fix it and we stand to lose much more under this condition.
Go Show Your Partner Love and Attention!
Although everyone has a different background and likes and dislikes, the one thing we all have in common as human beings is our need for attention. Gary Chapman describes it well in his book, The 5 Love Languages
, when explaining our Love Tank. Compared to the gas tank in our car, which can be easily refilled, we can't walk around with an empty Love Tank. Since the Love Tank can't be easily refilled and if we were to walk around with empty Love Tank it would be more damaging to us than if our car ran out of gas. Our car can be serviced if it stops running, but if our relationship or marriage stops running and is in a state of emergency we can't simply call for someone to fix it and we stand to lose much more under this condition. Go Show Your Partner Love and Attention!
