On a Sunday morning fresh from the rain, with blue skies and fluffy clouds that filled the sky like white spots on a blue dalmation. That was the view of our drive to Los Angeles County. Today's the 19th of February and we both have a sour taste in our mouths because of how our son’s IEP meeting went, and are both preoccupied with our part as advocates for our son. As we both look back at the meeting our conversation in the car is filled about the matter of our son’s education and our strategies to reach specific goals.
We are heading to meet with a good friend, Lucy Vail, LMFT, because she invited us to be filmed as a couple in therapy for training purposes on this new type of therapy. There are no expectations at this point, but we are prepared with a small issue that we’ve had in the past to use in this training video.
“Hi, Lucy!”
“Hi, Lucy!” (This is a bit confusing as there are now 2 Lucy’s in the room.)
We meet Lyra Barrera, Psy.D. and Robert Santos, M.A., both psychotherapists. An extraordinary couple with an astonishing method of therapy called Post-Modern Therapy. Post-modern therapy is emerging as much as positive psychology and is congruent with what we teach. Vail, being a wonderful therapist herself, met Santos and Barrera at a conference last year and approached them to be involved in this project.
The first recording was with the both of us in therapy with Mr. Santos. Then for learning purposes one of us would be alone with Ms. Barrera to show how therapy can work for a couple even though the partner is not there. It was decided the husband would fit better to prove that men are just are very capable of doing therapy.
Alfred’s experience:
In the last 5 years I’ve had contact entirely with marriage educators. So I got the opportunity to interact with therapists that are using modern practices and are the same practices that are being taught in marriage education programs. My experience was very therapeutic. In fact, I was absolutely surprised about how much was accomplished in such little time. The style of questions used to empathize my words lifted a big weight off my shoulders. Being understood is imperative to stress-relief.
Lucinda's experience:
Although I did very little talking, I had the opportunity to observe Alfred's therapy session, as if I wasn't there. As a fan of the skill of empathy I was easily drawn in. There were instances Alfred had to speak for my feelings to understand where I was coming from on the subject of our son, and having the experience he has now, it was very easy for him, although if it were a first time for someone it may be a little difficult, but not impossible.
The techniques used by Barrera and Santos were identifying the core issues and guided the speaker to the under-lying feeling and need. We tend to stay on the surface of our feelings, avoid admitting anything vulnerable, and use disguises such as blame, criticism, contempt, humor, and other distancing tactics. However, these defense mechanisms prevent us from understanding ourselves, our individual feelings, and why we are behaving the way we are, or why we are upset, disappointed, sad, scared, overwhelmed, frustrated, tired, bored, stressed, indifferent, dramatic.
