Almost every parent that has had their special needs child in an extraordinary intervention, Applied Behavior Analysis, knows the significance of reinforcement, appreciations to B.F. Skinner.
Without a doubt, when we look forward to doing something again we usually have a good memory because of the reinforcement behind it. If a child helps the mother clean the kitchen and they sing songs with much appreciation from the mother, the child will then be reinforced and will look forward to doing it again.
Time and time again we were communicated as parents by the supervisor of our intervention not to give attention, good or bad, to the unwanted behavior. Once the wanted behavior was present, immediately reinforce it with something our son would like. Over the course of a year, it proved virtuous.
We’ve detected the identical method we apply in our marriage and we teach it to numerous couples in diverse ways.
Why not make it clear that your were negatively effected by your partner's behavior?
Because that will either shut them down or have them react defensively. The off-balance will lead the discussion both to a fight.
Why is reinforcement so good? Can't I just say thank you after he/she cooked dinner?
To value your partner and relationship, it takes support and love. Appreciation that your partner will notice is much more valuable than saying thank you. A kiss on the cheek. A few more words that they love to hear often. Anything to make it more special than just a thank you is highly reinforcing and let's them know you care.
What if I constantly show negative reactions?
Then your partner will do it anyway. Giving negative attention is better than NO attention, it goes for adults just like it goes for children. If your partner gets some sort of attention from you it will not bother them as much as no attention, unconsciously of course. Then the person giving negative feedback will seem like a nag and never positive. Small attempts are very important, it can build a stable foundation.
9 Ways to Reinforce the Enrichment of Your Marriage
1. Compliment.
Let your partner know what you admire about them in a specific way
2. Patience.
Give your partner a second chance by giving them the benefit of the doubt. This alone can encourage your partner.
Give your partner a second chance by giving them the benefit of the doubt. This alone can encourage your partner.
3. Physical Touch.
Make a habit to rub their back, reach for their hand, or hold their hands (if your partner likes it).
Make a habit to rub their back, reach for their hand, or hold their hands (if your partner likes it).
4. Opportunities.
Give your partner opportunities to make efforts. Avoid blocking it with negative attention.
Give your partner opportunities to make efforts. Avoid blocking it with negative attention.
5. Smile.
Approaching your partner with a smile will set the mood for the both of you.
Approaching your partner with a smile will set the mood for the both of you.
6. Curiosity.
It's best to be curious instead of to judge. Ask why your partner said or did that. Inquire it with humility.
7. Appreciate.
Always acknowledge the small things your partner does for you, the family, the household, and for themselves. It is a great way to show your support.
Always acknowledge the small things your partner does for you, the family, the household, and for themselves. It is a great way to show your support.
8. Reward.
Give your partner a special treat for doing something out of their comfort zone for you. The chances of doing that again will multiply.
Give your partner a special treat for doing something out of their comfort zone for you. The chances of doing that again will multiply.
9. Inquire.
Ask your partner to list 10 ways that would reinforce them to do something again.
