Adam & Louie

Falling in love with a person on the autism spectrum can be rewarding and challenging, depending on the perspective of the person falling in love. Although the character Beth, in the movie Adam, defended the possibility of an intimate relationship, her hope didn't match her expectations in him.


She sought a relationship and yet held back on the full outlook. She lets her mother know that she will never be able to experience a moment when they can look into each other's eyes and say "I love you." Feelings signified connection for her and therefore saw Adam as incapable of holding up to her standards as it wasn't particularly easy for him to express feelings. While many adults on the spectrum are getting married and have learned to express their feelings in a committed relationship.


Our son Louie has developed recognition towards his feelings at only age 4. As parents we constantly identify his feelings so he is aware of the importance of what causes his impulsiveness at times. He has learned to say "I love you" without prompt as well as "I'm frustrated" and "I'm sad." His focus is on objects and may inappropriately use the phrase "I'm sad", when he really means "I'm tired." However small the steps, it is still very powerful.


We see many characteristics in Louie and Adam that are similar, which involve attention, consistency, task-attending habits, organization, follow-up, and being very well informed on topics of their interest.

Adam and Louie also have their strong differences with social etiquette. Children or adults with autism or its type are considered to be anti-social and one would simply assume from most cases. Furthermore, two children with the same diagnosis(es) will still be very different. Louie is not anti-social, he has deficits in social understanding and therefore has minor social impairments. Minor because he is very social and loving.


For example, Adam prefers to people watch and not include himself in groups. Louie on the other hand, prefers to introduce himself by hugging and talking to everyone. Adam experiences anxiety at the the attempt to attend social gatherings and Louie may cross social boundaries by inappropriately invading the personal space of others, which only affect young children at this point.


Although different in their social interactions, when in a conversation, both will focus their communication on the topic of their interest.





Even though one of our subjects is a fictitious character, his character is based on true facts known of those with Asperger's Syndrome. Asperger's Syndrome is a high-functioning autism considered to be on the spectrum.


When my son was diagnosed with high functioning autism, we ordered our 100-day kit from Autismspeaks.org to go through the next a hundred days after the diagnosis. We discovered in our reading that those with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) are very honest and it is difficult for them to lie.


Although Adam avoids socializing compared to Louie, innocence and perseverance remains with both of them.


Adam is a great film that reveals a diagnosis mislabeled as a disability by taking the viewer to the personal life of a 29-year old man and his setbacks and triumphs. The creators of this film were able to capture the amazing strengths Aspie's have to offer. As the viewers, we had the opportunity to step into Adam's world, different of our own, and empathize his way of thinking. An educational tool for the world to view.

Modern Romance

Modern techonology with modern love is an innovative and a further way to say "I love you." Even though our new method of communication is fresh, substituting the degree of affection we share with each other is irrecplaceable and incomparable. When you add positives to the relationship instead of exchanging positives, then that becomes a significant benefit for your relationship.

In our personal relationship, we knew we wanted more attention from each other; as a result we used the internet for resources to pick and chose our favorites. We wanted to find a collection of creative ideas that we would be endless for us to choose from. Because we discovered we feel cared for in different ways. Alfred feels loved when the house is picked up or the kitchen is clean and Lucinda feels loved when read poetry to, for example.

• Find your "love button." What specifically ignites your love fire? Do you like to hear sweet nothings, get a foot rub, or receive a love letter with a pressed flower inside? Auditory, Kinesthetic, or Visual? Simplify your search by listing individualy 10 things that help you feel loved. Narrow down your "love button." Use the Date Night Deck for fun times with your "love button."
• Use social network sites to flirt. Flirt with each other on Facebook. A great book just released in March 2010 is Facebook and Your Marriage, by Jason & Kelli Krafsky.
• Read inspiring quotes to each other. Use the internet for a google search on love quotes that inspire both of you. Personalize your search to include humor, romance, history, and even quotes by inspiring people like Shakespeare, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and many more. We have collected some in our own webste, Loveland Relationship.
• Search for marriage/relationship blogs. To keep up to date with relationship articles for your relationship you can sign up to RSS feeds to articles that you like and become a fan through facebook to many wonderful organizations that provide links to fantastic articles. Join Loveland Relationship's Facebook fanpage to receive links or quotes related to relationships.
• Purchase a book of ideas. Our personal favorite is 10,000 ways to say I love you, off of Amazon. A great way to never run out of ideas.
• Create an email only the two of you share. It is a great way to reconnect and surprise your partner with a love letter through email.
• Create a website about the two of you. It is common for engaged couples to develop a website centered around their wedding, and many provide hosting for free for only a certain period of time. It's a wonderful way to share with family, friends, and others the joy of your relationship even after the wedding. Remember, the happily ever after comes after the wedding day and it is renewed everyday while working hard at your marriage or relationship.
• Search for marriage/relationship education classes or retreats in your community. California Healthy Marriage Coalition, SmartMarriages, OCMarriage, Loveland Relationship, are to name a few sites where to begin a search that will transform your relationship. Learn skills that will enrich your relationship and strengthen even in weak times.

Using your resources for a higher intention, is an investment in your relationship worth giving. It's a journey worth traveling, and a song worth singing.