8 Ways to get the Most out of a Marriage/Relationship Education Class

How can you boost your self-
esteem and self-development, at the same time you help your partner or loved ones boost their self-growth? Take a marriage/relationship education class, of course. Or a self-development program that promotes wellness and stability in yourself and in your relationships.

February* is:
-International Boost Self-Esteem Month      -National Weddings Month         
-Relationship Wellness Month                     -Celebration of Love Wk (10-16)
-Random Acts of Kindness Wk (12-15)     -International Flirting Wk (13-19)
-Valentine's Day(14)                                   -World Marriage Day (14)         
*Resource: www.brownielocks.com

We must share with you how to really take advantage of this month.

Here are 8 ways to get the best out of a Relationship/Marriage Education (M.E.) Class: 

1. Choose a class. There are several outstanding programs to chose from. Chose by the target audience. Brief description of programs are below.
2.  Attend with confidence. There is a stigma on self-help approaches being only for those that are really in trouble. And this isn't just another trend. Those involved in the community are trying very hard to show the importance of developing healthy habits and work constantly against this stigma. Positive Psychology has been showing the "positive" side of psychology that wasn't tapped into until lately.  
3. Ask Questions. When you call to RSVP your place for an organization or just to inquire the location and times, don't hesitate to ask questions. 
1. Is this program right for me (and my partner)? 
2. What is the cost? Does the organization provide scholarships? Full or partial?
3. Can I come alone (if it is a program for couples)?
4. Do I have to speak in front of others and share vulnerable feelings?
5. What are the dates and times? Does the class meet on only one occurrence?
6. If I miss a class do I get refunded or can I attend the next one?
7. Do I have to attend every session of the program?
8. Will there be snacks or nearby locations for lunch (depending if it is an 8-hour workshop or 4 hour session)? 
9. If I am (engaged, separated, married, new parent, stepfamily, etc) what program would you recommend?
10. If the location of the class is a church, will the program content include religious material or be secular?
11. What if I have a great Marriage?
12. What if I'm separated or considering divorce?
13. Do you provide programs for inmates and their spouses?
4. Give it a chance.  [Alfred] always points out to [Lucinda] when it comes to food that if one has never tasted it then how does one know they don't like it. When we were newlyweds, we thought we knew everything about communication and enough about ourselves to handle conflicts. But when we entered into our first marriage education class, titled Couples Communication in San Diego instructed by Susan Wingfield-Ritter, it talked about things people never talk about and we learned so much more about ourselves, not just about each other. It was fun and enlightening. 
5. Think about what you want out of an ME class. These classes offer plenty for everybody. However, the betterment is supported by the simplicity of knowing what you want out of the ME (Marriage Education) program. It was simple for us, we wanted to change. Jot down your reasons of what your goals are in your marriage and think about if anyone ever taught you a skillful way to reach those goals.
6.  Make the commitment. Setting the goal takes you halfway there and commitment is what keeps you on track. Even after you've completed a marriage/relationship program, renewing your commitment every day to the skills you've learned is essential in implementing them for your relationship.
7. Find a mentor/coach. Even after you've learned the skills and renewed your commitment. One or both may fall off track, and it is crucial to ask yourself, do I have a coach/mentor? Many organizations have programs where there is no charge to call your instructor for coaching, or spend time with a mentor couple. The stakes are high for couples that don't follow-up with a class or mentor/coach. 
8. Do it again! Who says you only need to do it once to learn the skills permanently? Take a marriage/relationship program every 6-12 months. Have fun by switching the program, or go back to your first class and see what you pick up differently. Have you noticed that when you watch a movie for the second time you see things you missed when you first watched it? 

Marriage/Relationship Programs: 

PAIRS: Great program to start with for all couples.


The Third Option: 14 topics for 14 weeks, and restarts every 14 weeks. Program designed for all couples and gives hope to troubled/separated couples. 

World Class Marriage: 16 Pillars that uphold a marriage. A dynamic class for all couples teaching the essentials to happy, healthy marriage.


Mastering the Mysteries of Love (MML): 10 skills for couples that are ready to deepen their intimacy. Designed for all couples. Coaches available throughout the program. 

Journey to Love: 10 weeks of support/self-growth for singles, and a workbook is provided to ask yourself life's important questions.

Ready for Love: The 10 Skills from MML for singles &/or teens.

Imago: Video/teaching of vital skills for all couples, troubled couples and those seeking enrichment.


There are many programs available, these are just to name a few. Find more information at www.smartmarriages.com, in CA go to www.Camarriage.com.


Feel free to post below your comments/questions/etc.

Love, Gifts, & Valentine's Day

 Love your partner, love yourself, and love the land with eco-friendly, long lasting, memorable gifts. Celebrate love or friendship, like those in Mexico call it "Día del Amor y la Amistad" (Day of Love and Friendship). Or celebrate it as "The Day of Affection" as those in Guatemala. Show an act of appreciation to a loved one or friend. Allow the joy of love to penetrate through you and endure the happiness.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

~ William Shakespeare

(Sonnet said in the movie Did You Hear About the Morgans?)

 Love! Love! Love!

• How better to express your love, than through your partner's love language. Take the Love Languages Quiz to find you and your partner's love language.
• Here are our scores:
• Lucinda's scores:
  7     Words of Affirmation
  8     Quality Time
  4     Receiving Gifts
  2     Acts of Service
  9     Physical Touch
• Alfred's scores:
  3     Words of Affirmation
  8     Quality Time
  1     Receiving Gifts
  8     Acts of Service
  10 Physical Touch
•  If you notice we paired up on Physical Touch being our highest score, and we also matched on Quality Time. However, we are opposite when it comes to Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service. That is something we have to work on since the other two are natural for us in our relationship. 

Give Genuine & Gracious Gifts w/Gratitude

• Think: 
• Inexpensive
• Creative
• Memorable
• Eco-friendly
• Useful
• Quality
• Thoughtful
• Heartfelt
• Harmonious
• Fun
• Meaningful
• And...Realistic
• Ideas:
• Quality time with the ones you love
• Draw a bath and end the night in a massage
• Handwritten love letter sealed with a kiss, perfume, movie tickets, etc (How to Write the Perfect Love Letter)
• Cook together and share a wonderful meal with wine and candlelight
• Set a simple treasure hunt in your home to find you 
• Most Importantly:
• Focus on their love language. And if you are like us, where the top 2 love languages are already met, go to the next one. Something small will go a long way and your partner will greatly appreciate it.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

How to Stop Bitterness on its Tracks

Appreciate your relationship by cultivating optimism and enjoying priceless moments. By this we mean, welcome pleasurable experiences with your partner.
  
1. Celebrate Life

"You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment." ~Henry David Thoreau

• Release those endorphins, relieve stress, help reduce conflict and add zest to your life by provoking yourself to laugh.  
• Compliment your partner on specific things that are important to them. 

  2. Get Creative

"Stressed spelled backwards is desserts." ~Barbara Enberg

• Replace bad habits creatively. Throw away useless habits that stand in the way of your growth and find replacements for them.
• Turn on the light bulb. Opportunities unfold when your creativity is at use and then you can rebuild or restore many things.
• Try something new. Take on a new hobby or sport that will enrich you and your relationship with your partner.

3. Improve your Quality of Life

"Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful, and you will accomplish your objective. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

• Daily list 5-10 things that you are grateful for. This will shift your focus from negative to positive.
• Research shows that frequent exercise reduces depression, anger, cynical distrust, and stress. 
• Regular small increments of meditation has been found to reduce negative moods, depression, fatigue, confusion, and heart rate. 

3. Act on Intention and Benefit All

  

"No hagas cosas buenas que parezcan malas..." ~Mexican Saying. Translation: "Don't do good things that look bad."

• To act on intention does not mean it will benefit all. You may do a good deed for a woman your wife does not trust and dismiss to tell your wife to save her grief. This is not a good deed in the end. A good benefit should benefit all (your marriage). 
• Be mindful and aware before you act. It take focus and intent to avoid saying something you'll later regret.

4. Get Organized

 "Every evening we should look back at the day and think about it. What problems did I solve? What harmful habits did I change? What wrongdoing did I avoid? What good habits did I practice?" ~Lucius Seneca

• Put order to what is disorganized in your life. Whether it be organizing your home, your job duties, your goals, and putting your relationship back on track. Some say that you can walk into someone's room and know how their mind is. 
• Focus on what is in your control. List the areas of your life where you feel disorganized and troubled, and find a way to organize each one. 

Find patience within yourself whenever there is change. There is no perfect couple, and therefore, there is no perfect marriage. Discover satisfaction and happiness in what life has to offer and make the best return.